There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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