Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
