You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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