So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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