Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
