you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
