Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
