Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
