A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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