his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
