You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
