Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
