Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
