to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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