WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
