sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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