Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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