Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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