we're blogging at a bar
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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