walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
