Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
