Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
