You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
