She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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