I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
