The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
