Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
