Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Enjoy the penises
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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