don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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