Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
