we're blogging at a bar
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
