Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
