therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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