I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
