New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
