dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
