well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
