No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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