I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
