I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
