I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
