85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
