WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
