He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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