please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
