I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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