And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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