yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
