her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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