onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
