i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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