At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
